Last week a friend and I went to the beach. It was a perfect day and we spent most our time in the water. Towards the end of the day we went out one last time and had swam quite far out, enjoying ourselves for about an hour before the lifeguards motioned for us to come in. Reluctantly we obeyed. As we neared the shore, we realized the surf and waves had picked up and the ocean had become very rough. Getting out was not as easy as earlier in the day.
I regretted wearing a two piece at this point. Every time I managed to place my feet on the sand, a wave would pick me up and pound me to the sand, turning me upside down and twisting me until I didn't know what side was up or down. I had one hand trying to keep my top down and one holding my pants on, all the while trying to also keep my balance. Before I could gain my composure, another wave would turn me upside down again. By the time we got out, we were laughing so hard our stomachs hurt as bad as the scrapes on our bodies from being beat against the roughness of the sand. I was relieved just to make it out with my swimming suit on my body.
The last few months for me have been like trying to get out of the rough ocean, only to get knocked down and pushed under over and over. It began by wondering if God had any plans for my life. That was followed by the rejection of a friend I loved dearly, the death of another, medication that caused extreme anxiety and trying to find the right dosage. During this time I was faced with one temptation after another along with one trial and struggle after another. I was also trying to help close friends going through struggles of their own.
I came full circle from wondering what God wanted with my life to Him giving me obvious direction. I had three emails in my inbox with speaking invitations but I was at a point where I didn't know if I wanted God's calling on my life. Never having been at this point in my life before, I was afraid. It was a dark and dangerous place to be, to question God's obvious calling. I was tired of trying and wanted to run: to escape to a place with to responsibility and where no one knew me: to be a nobody. The ocean of life was threatening to pull me under and the waves were too strong to fight against.
Then God met me and brought me into a loving place with Him that I had never been before. Through the love and support of a couple friends as well as time with Him, He restored my soul. Then he gave me these verses from Psalm 66.
Let the sound of His praise be heard He has preserved my life And kept my feet from slipping For you, O God, tested me; You refined me like silver. You brought me into prison And laid burdens on my back You let men ride over my head I went through fire and water but you brought me to a place of abundance. Come and listen, all you who fear God; Let me tell you what He has done for me. I cried to Him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, The Lord would not have listened; But God has surely listened And heard my voice in prayer.
Through His fire, my sin, the sin of others, and natural occurrences, I was tested and tried. I struggled and cried and wandered and wavered. Yet, in the end, I felt like God was saying, "Shanda, In the end, because your heart was right before me and you were faithful, I have heard your prayer and delivered you." Not only did He deliver me from the waves of the ocean but I got out with my swimming suit on! God is good!
He knows our hearts and is always faithful. We have so much to praise Him for.
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