Oh, the dreaded ‘P’ day. If I had not committed myself to choosing words I was thankful for, I would write ‘P is for Pecan Pancakes” or “P is for Puppies”. For those I am truly thankful for.
As “P” has finally caught up with me, I am left with the word, “Pain”. I keep praying for a different word but none has been placed upon my heart. And, to be honest, I don’t want to thank God for pain.
My first migraine descended upon me at age twenty with an intensity I had never experienced. My second did not occur for almost a year. Now, almost thirty years later, I take preventative medication for the headaches that frequent almost daily. My prescription bottles of pain killers, imitrex, maxalt, etc. are often empty before the next date to refill.
There is no pain like intense migraines; the ones where it is too painful to even go to the ER. Even natural childbirth was not as excruciating.
I used to be a racer, a marathoner. I was good, even qualifying for Boston, and proudly came home from most races with medals. Yet, with exercise induced migraines, the running had to go. I don’t see the benefit in giving up exercising when all medical and science experts tell you how important it is.
Migraines have kept me from church, from school events, social events and life. Hours have been spent alone in my bed, just managing pain, while my family enjoys their time together. I even missed going to the airport to pick up my son returning home from his first year of college.
So, when the bible says, “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will in Christ Jesus,” I have a hard time. If I could see some benefit, some lesson learned, some eternal blessing, then I would gladly thank God. But I cannot.
Pain is a lonely place. No one can hold my hand or speak, for touch and noise increase the pain. In the thick of the migraine, I cannot even pray. I do not have the mind to ask God for relief as any brain activity is too much.
Yet, as God has placed on my heart today, I will obey and I will thank him. I will trust that there is a reason, that there is a benefit somewhere, for someone; or at least that He is making me stronger.
I will praise him for the pain today, for I have no pain. Tomorrow, when the pain comes, I cannot praise; for I cannot think, I cannot move, I cannot put words in my head. Yet, I trust the Spirit will intercede.
Then, the day after tomorrow, when the pain is gone, I will thank Him, once again, for the pain.
There, whew, I said it! What a relief! Now I can lighten up. For tomorrow I am Queen: Queen of the Jungle!