What is the desire of your heart? Has that longing been met?
I have a friend who, at forty-two, is trying desperately to have a baby, sinking deeper into depression and longing each month. Another friend is twenty-seven, and wants a husband so badly that she is falling into hopelessness in her ‘old’ age. Yet, another has been holding out for a particular job for almost two years.
Some desires are good and our motives are good. So, why isn’t God answering our prayers?
It is a mystery why some seem to receive the desires of their hearts so quickly and painlessly while others suffer.
I firmly believe that when we want something with all our heart, sometimes God just wants us to let go. He wants us to trust Him to provide for our needs and desires, and He wants us to desire HIM above all else.
When I went to college, I had already given my life to God: to missions. My one desire was to finish college and return to Africa. Yet, not many guys in college had that same calling. I stuck by what I felt God calling me to do and refused to get involved with anyone not interested in missions. As a result, I graduated college without a future partner.
When I went to Africa, I had to make a conscious decision that if God wanted me to remain single, then that is what I would do. Once on the mission field, I knew the chances of finding a husband were very slim. I knew too many unmarried female missionaries.
I gave up my desire to be married, to serve God in Zimbabwe. I was young and didn’t want to be single, yet I gave that desire to God.
God did send me a husband: a Zimbabwean. He rewarded my obedience and my desire for Him.
I don’t know why many of my friends are still single while serving. That is something only God can answer. All I know is that God waited until I had firmly let go of what I thought were my possibilities and sought after Him alone. He wanted me to trust Him and find my fulfillment in Him before He gave me my desire.
Maybe, what He really wanted was that I find my joy and pleasure first in Him: that my every need would be met in Him. He wanted me to enjoy His presence more than the presence of any other, to delight in Him. (Psalm 37:4)
Maybe God wanted all other things to be seen as ‘rubbish’ in comparison to knowing Him. (Philippians 3:7-11)
Now, twenty-five years later, I open my hands and give him, once again, my longings and desires. I pray that my goal above all else will be to know Him and take pleasure in his presence.