The Madness of Hope

I Cry

I learned early in life not to cry. If I cried, I ended up with a really bad headache. Over the years, the really bad headaches changed to migraines.

If I watched a tearjerker movie, I remained tearless. If I had boyfriend issues, I was brave and my friends thought I didn't care. I never verbalized it, or even thought about it for that matter. This was an unconcious decision.

About eight years ago my girlfriends questioned why I never cried as they did. It made me appear stoic or emotionliess. Even Mark said he had never seen me cry. That was when I began to think. I traced back the few times I had cried and a migraine always followed.

Yeah... I just don't cry. So don't think me unemotional because I do feel. Don't think me uncaring because I am compassionate. Don't think I have my life all together because I do struggle. Don't think my heart strings don't tug. My heart does ache at times.

I just don't cry.

Wait! I do cry. I cry out to the Lord for help. I cry for my friend with cancer who has a teenager. I cry because I miss my son a few thousand miles away at college. I cry when someone hurts my feelings.

I cry. I just don't shed tears.