Honestly? I am discouraged. I feel as if I have poured my heart and soul into a ministry that is going nowhere. Yet, I see another, also dear to my heart, flourishing. I chose to invest myself in the former because that was where I felt God calling me to serve. So, I question: why would God want me to place my heart and soul in something that is not working? Did I not understand Him correctly? Am I that out of tune with God?
Then God send these words from Colossians 3:15-17 to speak to my aching heart. “Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms and songs from the spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
The problem is not solved, but God does want peace in my heart. Ultimately I have to follow where I feel He is leading. I may need to make some changes now, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that I was serving where I felt God leading me to. And I gave it my all. My heart can rest knowing I was obedient. And, as I struggle with the future, He says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” (Colossians 3:23)
Much as I feel like slipping into the background, He calls me to work, with ALL my heart. And, do you know what that tells me? That God values me, and that what little I have to bring to Him is worth much in His eyes. He tells me my feelings of worthlessness and inferiority are because I am not ‘setting my mind on things above, but on earthly things.’ (Col 3:2)
So, I press on to serve because He calls. And I will work with all my heart, because I am working for HIM.