The Madness of Hope

I Did It!

There, I did it. And my eyes are brimming over with tears as silent sobs shake my chest and threaten to take away my breath. I really thought it would be easier this time but the hurt is just as deep and the tears unstoppable. Twenty years were spent waking up to him in my home, and then kissing him good night.
I’m grateful for the two extra years with my son as he chose to stay home and attend community college. His brother opted for staying in Kentucky when we moved to California. When I left him; my heart didn’t think it would survive. This one is twenty now, not eighteen, but it’s not any easier.
There have been many reasons to postpone pressing the button on my keyboard: but not anymore. He’s done all I asked him to do. So I did it. I pushed ‘purchase ticket’. It feels final now.
I can cry now as he is gone for the day. Then I aim to remain strong for one more week. Yes, one more week until we say goodbye at the airport. He will be off to begin a new life. And I might just come home to cry.
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